Deadly Disease
by Zee-Zee Magee
Summary: Parker is dying. How is she going to tell the team? What is she dying of? Did I just write a Parker fic? Why am I writing this when I should be working on The Leverage Games and DELEVERAGED? Find answers to these questions and more, inside! Humor!


Parker was dying. She knew it. She knew it long before she probably should have. Well, she suspected it anyway. Now, she had proof.

The blonde thief was staring at the wall in complete distress about the whole situation. She noticed it a few weeks ago. Well, she noticed it before then but the sickness hadn't really started to affect her until a few weeks ago. She had been working with Hardison and got this weird feeling in her stomach. All he did was touch her on the arm and she immediately felt dizzy and useless. It had all gone downhill from there.

She stopped eating. Food was no longer something she could stomach anymore. Then she was losing sleep over it. Every night she would go to bed earlier and earlier but to no avail. She hadn't slept a wink in seventy-two hours. Her chest hurt and her hands were sweaty. Her head ached and liquids tasted bitter in her mouth. She even went to see a doctor about it. Yeah, she paid to see a doctor and he did nothing! He told her there was nothing physically wrong with her. He told her that she was probably just stressed and that was causing her ailments. She stabbed him with the closest utensil she could find and stole her money back that very night. He had no reason to lie to her. She already figured out she was dying.

The worst part was that the team was starting to notice it. In fact they were all coyly swapping worried glances towards her during the briefing. Parker tried to ignore them, but she couldn't. She didn't know how she was going to tell them the truth. They were all going to be so devastated by the tragedy. She had to plan breaking the news to them one by one. In fact, today was the day the plan would come to fruit. Today was the day that she would tell them she was dying. She was terrified.

So, Parker calmly followed Sophie home to inform the grifter of the horrible news. Originally she was going to tell Hardison first but she was so afraid of his reaction, not to mention how she was going to tell him, that she decided telling the grifter first was the best way to go. Sophie would at least help her figure out how to tell the others. Sophie got the emotion stuff. It was the safest bet. Nate would just get a drink and refuse to leave the bottle. Eliot would just growl and find Nate so they could somehow find a way to fix it. And she already explained why she couldn't tell Hardison. Yeah, the grifter was the only way to go. Sophie would help with everything and she wouldn't waist time by trying to fix it. She'd ask the necessary questions and that would be that.

"Parker!" Sophie snapped her fingers in front of the thief's face and Parker snapped to attention. The grifter looked really worried by that. Uh-oh, she was already prepared for the worst. Well, at least she wasn't expecting good news. Parker could deal with that.

"What's going on with you?" Sophie asked, "You haven't been acting like yourself all day and now I'm sneaking up on you!"

Parker took a deep breath and let it go. She looked towards the grifter and took another deeper breath. She let that go and tried to talk. Then she took another breath.

"Stop that!" Sophie cried out. She was really worried now. Sophie didn't yell at Parker. It was one of the unspoken rules that Parker didn't really get but Sophie seemed to always do. OH well, here it goes.

"I'm dying."

Parker blinked at the way she said. She sounded so calm and collected. It was like she had already accepted it. Hey, maybe she could tell the others after all. Oh right, Sophie just found she was dying.

"What do you mean you're dying?" She asked. Sophie's eyes grew impossibly wider and tears were starting to glisten in her eyes. Thankfully she was asking the right questions as always. This was going to be easier than she thought.

So, Parker explained her symptoms. She started with the not sleeping and the not eating. She then went to further explain the shortness in breath and the total lack of control she felt whenever she so much as had a thought. Oddly enough, the grifter's face of terror slowly began to morph at the thief's words. At first she looked really angry and then she looked stunned senseless. Parker was about to ask her what was the matter when the woman tackled her into a hug and squeezed extremely too tight against her chest.

"What did I say?" Parker managed to huff out. She was certain how considering all of the precious air in her lungs was quickly leaving. If every last breath counted then the grifter was wasting quite a bit of them for a silly hug.

"Oh, Parker you wonderful idiot of girl," Sophie muttered into her hair. This time the thief's eyes grew wide. Sophie never insulted anybody, except Nate due to their obvious love thingy, but she didn't insult anybody on the team, except the party mentioned before. This was really serious. Sophie was mad at her for dying. This was so not good. She should have gone to Hardison first. He would have at least cried and not gone straight to anger.

"You're not dying," she said.

What? Parker furrowed her brow in confusion before it dawned on her. Sophie was going through the stages of grief. That had to be it. She was doing it wrong though. You were supposed to be in denial and then get angry. The thief decided to enlighten the grifter on this little detail.

Sophie just shook her head vigorously and blinked away tears. Jeeze that woman was full of weird stuff. It must be why she was such a great grifter and a horrible actress. She didn't know when to react when not on a con.

"Parker, you're not dying," she said. She gently placed a hand on the thief's knee and squeezed. She was smiling from ear to ear and that was worrying because Sophie only smiled like that when she was scared. Ooh, Parker scared her. "You're in love."

Parker blinked. What did love have to do with dying? She asked Sophie as much just to be sure.

Sophie just rolled her eyes. Mean. "Parker, those feelings you described aren't ailments treated by modern medicine."

"That's what the doctor said," Parker nodded, "It's because I'm dying of a rare disease and he can't treat it but he didn't want to tell me so he just said it was all in my head so I stabbed him and stole my money back. This is serious, Sophie."

The grifter rolled her eyes again. Seriously, this woman needed to pick an emotion and stick to it. There was a reason Parker didn't have those.

"Parker," she sighed in frustration, "When exactly do these "symptoms…" She put air quotes around the word symptoms. How rude? "Occur?"

Parker tilted her head and thought about it for a minute. The answer came to her really quickly and panic started to fill her bones. "They happen every time I'm in the same room as Hardison! He must have it too! Oh no, he's dying to because I gave him my disease! WE have to tell him right now!"

Sophie caught the thief's arms before she could jump out of her chair. Parker looked down at the hand holding her back and the grifter it was attached to. She narrowed her eyes in confusion.

"I'm not saying that you shouldn't tell Hardison" Sophie said, "You should just wait until you understand that there's a very simple reason why you feel those things whenever Hardison is in the same room."

"Yeah, he's dying too!" How was she not getting this? She was like the smartest woman in the world. Hello!

"NO, Parker!" Sophie rolled her eyes again. Seriously, three eye rolls in a situation like this is uncalled for! The grifter then paused in thought and breathed deeply. She was working up a new strategy. This denial stuff must be serious. "You know all of those feelings you described?"

Parker balked. Was she not paying attention?

"Yes!"

"Well," Sophie paused before she just shrugged and went on with it, "that's exactly how I feel about Nate."

Parker just stared.

"The dizziness when he's in the same room with me, the warm fuzzy feeling in my toes when he smiles my way, the sweaty palms when he talks to me, the lack of hunger and sleep when he's not there… I feel all of those too."

Parker gasped in shock. She quickly put her hand on the grifter's arm and pulled her towards her. "Sophie, you can't die too. Nate won't survive if he loses all three of us! He needs you to keep him from doing what he did with Sam!"

"Parker, I'm not dying and neither are you! Those things you describe only happen when Hardison is around and that's for a very good reason. Parker, you love Hardison!"

"I love Hardison?"

"Yes, you are in love with Hardison!"

"But that would mean that you're in love with Nate too?"

Sophie hesitantly nodded in reply. Her cheeks even grew beet red. Parker didn't even know she could do that.

"But that means Nate loves you too!"

Sophie's eyes grew to cartoon size in surprise of that one. She even paled at the prospect. "What?"

"Because he doesn't eat anything unless you're with him and he's always angry when you're not around and it takes him twenty-five times longer to finish a glass of scotch when you're in the room and he's always looking at you out of the corner of his eye just like… oh!"

Sophie was practically shell-shocked. She just stared at the thief and didn't even seem able to respond. Parker was pretty certain it was because she was experiencing one of the symptoms of their disease again. The thief just shrugged and decided to leave. Sophie didn't like it when people saw her sick. She seemed to be under the impression that they thought she never got sick. Well, Hardison and Eliot at least thought she didn't get sick. Nate always panicked that she got sick so he just pretended it couldn't happen. Parker knew better but she thought it was best to keep the illusion because Sophie was pretty bad-ass. So the thief just skipped her way out the door and reviewed everything the grifter explained to her.

"I love Hardison," she said. And everything made sense.


End file.
